I thought this whole "being an adult" would be easy.


September 2015

Weekly Fall TV Show Recap #1

I have been MIA.  My life has been uneventful and my thoughts have been filled with “I can’t wait to take a nap” and then proceeding to pass out for four hours.  I had intentions of blogging my thoughts about some of my favorite fall TV shows when I first started this blog, however, THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD TV SHOWS.  I can barely keep up with watching all of them when they air.  Not to mention that I would have to be awake and coherent if I tried to blog about them right after they air. So I will try to do this on a weekly basis.  Cross your fingers that this will work out.

On Dancing With the Stars it was TV theme week. Kim had to withdraw, due to her health, for the competition.  But also, they have been past stars who did not perform in the live showing, but were able to use their scores from the previous week because of an injury or whatever.  It’s not necessarily her fault that she couldn’t fly to make it there in time.  Had her doctor not been so last minute with his news, she would’ve driven out to LA.  I can’t believe Gary Busey is still in the running on this show.  His performances are always an eyesore, but I’ll give him this, that man has got spirit.  Paula Deen also seems to be stumbling around week after week.  During her rehearsal footage she kept complaining that she was tired. Well Paula, you’re old. You’re gonna be tired and you’re not going to remember the steps that well when you’re old and tired.  Please be gone.  It was a shocker to find that Andy Grammer was in jeopardy of being booted off of the show.  He seems to be doing well for someone who doesn’t have any dance in his background, though he did struggle with his quickstep this week.  Lets hope his fans can pull through with the voting so that he can stick around a few more weeks.  Alek always surprises me week after week with his performances.  He is turning out to be quite the man and anyone who dons fangs for a True Blood number is a hottie (and winner) in my book. The best dance of the night was, by far, Nick and Sharna’s Viennese Waltz to the Downton Abbey theme song.  It was beautiful and poignant and when the number was over I realized that it brought me to tears. He tied for the highest score of the night with Alexa and her Breaking Bad number, which was a very creative routine, but I’m not into the jazz routines.  I like the traditional ballroom and latin dances.

As far as series premiers go, Scream Queens was awesome, in my opinion.  It was classic Ryan Murphy material.  People seem to be confused with whether or not its supposed to be a comedy or a horror series.  I don’t understand why people cannot comprehend that its supposed to be a comedic horror. Its hilarious that someone dies while face to face texting the killer.  I also find it fabulous that Nick Jonas’ character is 1) gay and 2) one of the villains. (Sorry for that spoiler) Lea Michele’s character is so freaking creepy in so many different ways and still has a bit of Rachael Barry in it. Though it seems obvious who the killer is, it’s probably not.  That would be too easy.  At this point it could be anybody.  I have my suspicions though.  I think its the mother/lawyer of the sorority.  She is fundamentally stuck in the ’90s, as far as her fashion goes, due to a traumatic experience.  Or it could be the boyfriend. He does get turned on when dead bodies are mentioned. I’m looking forward to catching the third episode tonight.

Once Upon A Time kicked off it’s fifth season this past Sunday.  They introduced Merida (Disney’s Brave) and we are in the land of Camelot and King Arthur. We learned that King Arthur was able to pull Excalibur from the stone, but the infamous sword was missing its tip.  The tip is the Dark One’s dagger.  Personally I didn’t see this coming at all and I find it interesting that the writers were able to put yet another twist into this show. Emma is struggling with turning completely dark as it is still in the early stages of her being The Dark One and I get why.  She still thinks of herself as The Savior, but I think she should embrace it and use the evil for good. That probably won’t happen, however it’ll still be fun to see Emma with a bad attitude and short temper. It’s very rare to see a character get to be completely different from when a series began.  By the end of the episode, its six weeks later and no one has any recollection of the time that has passed while they were in Camelot.   The writers are sure to keep us on our toes, as per usual.

How To Get Away With Murder also made its season premier this past week.  We found out who killed Rebecca and that was quite the shock.  I had no clue Bonnie had that in her.  I feel horrible for Sam.  He thinks Rebecca just ran off and doesn’t want to be bothered and he’s heartbroken over it, but then it also looks like that he has the hots for his professor. Which, I know they’re all adults at this point with it being law school and all, however, its still kind of wrong on a professional level. The practice is trying to take one a new case where the crime didn’t occur at Analise’s house and we also find out that she dabbled in being a lesbian back in the day when her former lover tries taking over Nate’s case in the murder of Analise’s husband.  It’s a good thing we all know that he didn’t do it, thought it still doesn’t sit well that she framed him for it in the first place.  This show also does a fast forward to two months and we find Analise lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood after we hear a gun shot and see Sam running away from a house. This is mildly disturbing.

Sleepy Hollow, American Horror Story Hotel, Saturday Night Live and Undatelable are making their comebacks soon, only adding to my watchload.  I have a show to watch literally EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. Bye bye social life.  I hope I don’t fall behind too much.

If anyone wants to talk more in depth about any of the shows that I’ll be blogging about, please do not hesitate to comment or contact me.


Thoughts To Put Me To Sleep

I haven’t felt all that inspired to write recently.  I think it comes from a lack of doing anything.  This whole week has been pretty boring. For three days I had no work.  If you think about it, that would’ve been a really good time to write some extra stuff down, after doing assignments for the Writing 101 course that I’ve been taking, but alas nothing came to mind.  I’ve just been feeling numb on the inside about a lot of things recently.  Between my job, my injury, and personal life, it all seems to bother me and at the same time it doesn’t.  I’ve just been going through the motions from day to day.

Work, when I have it, hasn’t been the greatest.  Besides being in pain for the better part of my short shifts, people in the office apparently have problems with me in regards to how the mail is sorted on each route in the office. It’s all petty bullshit and people want to complain about things when, in reality, they really don’t have much to complain about.  I work with a bunch of adult-sized, spoiled, privileged, annoying children.  They look like functioning adults, but most of them whine and cry like fucking toddlers.  It’s ridiculous.  Just shut up and do your job and then maybe I wouldn’t be stuck doing your job for you. Learn to fucking grow a pair, if you have a problem with me, come to me and say what you want to say.  Don’t send a messenger to do your dirty work, especially when your messenger also has issues with how much you whine and cry about your job.  Your job isn’t mentally challenging, any goon can do it.  I feel embarrassed to be one of the youngest people in the building, yet my maturity far exceeds those who have been working there LONGER THAN THE TIME THAT IVE BEEN ALIVE.

My injury just seems to never end. Two months I’ve had this sprained ankle.  I’m still in a lot of pain and dealing with swelling.  I got results from my MRI back and it says that there was no serious long-term damage and that its just not healing and that the sprain itself was kind of bad and that I sprained the major tendon in my right foot/ankle.  I was upgraded from a flimsy basic air cast/bandage combo to an actual orthopedic boot. That’s something that should have happened long ago, people.  Also, I’ve pretty much have run out of painkillers.  My doctor knows I’m in pain, and yet didn’t prescribe me anything.  It’s annoying.  So I’ve had to come up with creative pill combos to help ease my pain and get me to sleep at night, otherwise I just toss and turn.  No, it’s probably not the safest thing to do.  In all honesty, the painkillers I had, weren’t doing too much for me anyway.  I couldn’t feel any effect of them actually working.  Hopefully this boost will do the trick.

I feel like my personal life is a mess and its just going to stay that way no matter what I attempt to do.  It’s highly discouraging.  There’s only been two of my friends who have personally asked for updates on my foot.  I get that everyone is busy with their own life with school and work and whatnot, but its not everyday that your friend is suffering so badly in all aspects of her life, from an injury that isn’t all that mediocre.  Maybe it’s because I have too much time on my hands right now, but I feel forgotten by a bunch of people.  My Netflix account can only be a substitute for friendship for so long.  I’m bored. I don’t get out of the house much, except for work or the occasional errand.  Dating has become harder as well.  Because I’m in so much pain “hooking up” is totally off of the table and in the society we live in, that’s all guys want to do now.  They don’t bother with actual courtship or wooing. Hell, its pulling teeth to get a guy to take me to get fucking Chipotle at this point.  It’s obnoxious.

Anyway, I think I can feel my pill cocktail slowly hitting me.  These lids of mine are getting harder and harder to hold up.  I think its time to put my ankle on ice and get to bed.  Maybe I’ll actually get a full night’s sleep for the first time in about 2 months.  Wouldn’t that be nice, however more than likely unrealistic.

We Were Supposed to Last Forever

I didn’t think this would end,

At least not like this.

Tears are streaming down my face,

My chest is heaving from the sobs.

I’m having trouble breathing.

I can’t wrap my head around what he’s saying,

This all seems so out of the blue,

We were supposed to last forever,

Now forever has come and gone.

How can he say that he loves me,

While simultaneously breaking my heart?

I stand there watching her cry,

Not knowing what I should say.

I thought she would understand

That I couldn’t let it continue.

We were supposed to last forever

And sometimes when you love someone,

You have to let them go

I told her that I still loved her,

No matter what she thinks, it’s true.

I didn’t mean to hurt her,

That’s the last thing I want to do.

150 Word True Story

One minute I was fine, laughing with my friends & having a grand old time. The last thing I remembered was saying goodbye to two friends that had to catch a train back home.  The rest was a mystery to me. Apparently i had been causing a ruckus at the bar.  I was grabbing people inappropriately, trying to make out with all of my friends.  I kept slipping and falling down. I had to be carried out of the place. I only had 3 drinks in a span of 4 hours, from what I remembered.  My stomach was in knots on the drive home. I tried telling him to pull over, but my words kept slurring & he couldn’t understand me. I vomited inside of my car.  It tasted worse coming up than when it did going down. I couldn’t put things together the next morning, until I looked up symptoms. I was roofied.

A Place To Call My Own

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Home Turf.”

I have a place to live, but i can’t say that I can call it mine. So I’m going to compile a list of things that I would like in my own home that would surely make me feel at home.

  1. Giant, comfy couch with tons of cozy blankets and pillows for binge watching Netflix, movie marathons, and the much needed afternoon napping.
  2. Claw foot soaking tub with a window overlooking the beach/ocean that my property stands on. Must have a wine glass holder, and something to prop up a book and hold any necessary bath-time accessories. Rubber duckies may or may not be included.
  3. My own reading room, with the walls covered in books from floor to ceiling and rich mahogany, a leather chaise lounge and a stone fireplace from renaissance times. And over the mantle will be a family crest and two swords crossing.  Also torches or lanterns on either side.
  4. A personal wine cellar with temperature control and an endless supply of cheese and bread to go along with the many wine tastings i would be having.
  5. King size temperpedic mattress dressed with the finest linens and supporting pillows.
  6. Window seats all around the house so I can sit and drink tea and think or write or when i get sick of all of the rich wood and burning embers in my reading room, to read something a little more light hearted.

If We Were At Starbucks…

I’d wait for you to join the line because right now I can barely afford a cup of coffee. I’m dead serious. This injury has screwed me so much. I’m barely getting hours at work. I’ve had to borrow money from my sister, which I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to pay her back. My life has been awful recently.  My social life is completely in the can.  No one calls me for anything, besides one friend who just does super nerdy things with me. Now that the summer is over she has a job to go to everyday (she was a teacher, but recently accepted a job at a library).  So now everyone is busy in their life except for me.  I spend most of my days watching movies and TV, which sounds awesome in theory, but I’m lonely and tired. I’ve gained most of the weight that I lost.  All of that hard work went down the drain and it blows.

I’m trying very hard to save money in any way that I possibly can. I’ve become a moocher.  If you want to hang out with me, you need to pay my way.  Hence my soy chai latte, thank you. It’s so kind of you to spring for my drink, though you had no choice, #sorrynotsorry. At least I’m upfront about such things which my friends appreciate. I think they also feel sorry for me and for my situation.

My injury doesn’t seem to be getting any better.  I’m still in a lot of pain, no matter what I do.  Constantly standing on my feet for the mere 2-3 hours that I’m at work isn’t helpful either, but I gotta do what I gotta do in order to do my job. However, I’m supposed to hear the results of my MRI on my right ankle this week.  I hope that it shows something and not nothing.  I’m not making up my pain and suffering.  I hope that there is some proof to it.  I also hope that there is some sort of progressive step that I can take towards recovery and healing.  I want to be able to work at full capacity again, especially in time for the holidays.  I need the overtime money, DESPERATELY.

I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and I have no clue what the hell I can do about it.  I want to quit my job, however, with the injury, I’m limited as to what I can do physically right now.    And then there is my resume.  My resume is full with job experience, but employers tend to look down on the fact that i don’t have a degree.  Sorry that I don’t know what I want to study, however I am smarter than most of the people who graduate from college.  I’m a logical thinker. I’m also very progressive and know how to manage my time well. I’m tired of seeing people in the workforce who claim to have all of this “education” and “experience” and yet they are some of the dumbest people that I have ever come across. It’s frustrating for someone who like me, who can do pretty much any entry-level job, but people turn me down because I don’t have a single college credit.  It’s complete bullshit. I’m sorry, but it is.

My love life is completely non-existant.  The injury is one reason.  It limits what I’m willing to do, also I’ve recently been more focused on this (the blog) and not on the handful of dating sites/apps that I’m apart of.  Also, no one of great calibre has attempted to come in contact with me.  I’m not just going to go out with anyone, especially when most of the guys who contact me are way less than appealing.  I’m not saying that I’m a perfect 10 as far as physically, but I have personality and a good head on my shoulders and I have goals that I would like to achieve, and most of the guys who want to try to get to know me are not on my level.  They’re boring and most of them I’m simply not attracted to in any way shape or form.

How’s your life going?

Dear Coco (A Letter To My Dog)

It makes me sad that there is going to come a day where you won’t be here sharing my life, so I figured I’d get all of this out while I can.You are my world. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I knew we were a match made in heaven when you bursted through the door and jumped right into my lap, showering me kisses.  I know I haven’t always been around to hang out with you.  I’m a human and work gets in the way of that.  I wish I could bring you everywhere with me, but a lot of places I go won’t allow you in. I don’t like the way you talk back to me when I tell you that you can’t go outside.  It’s rude. I do, however, appreciate that you communicate through your snorts and grunts.  It helps to narrow down what you want me to do for you.

Cuddles with you are my absolute favorite. Hearing the steady stream of your snore doesn’t lull me to sleep, but its comforting to know that you’re still alive and breathing. I love the way you have to build up the courage to actually bark and when you do, you throw your head back like you’re a wild beast howling at the moon.  I know you’re a giant softie and wouldn’t hurt a fly.

I just want you to know, that wherever I move to, I won’t leave you behind. You’ll always be my partner in crime.  I would never choose you over a guy or any other dog.  You’ll always be my pretty princess and nothing will ever change that.

I love you with all my heart. Nothing and no one will ever replace you.


Your Mommy

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Why Do We Defend Men Who Treat Us Like Crap?

I read an interesting post today about a woman who is making up excuses as to why a guy hasn’t called her back. It struck a chord in me. I’ve been there and millions of other women have as well.   I decided to leave a comment behind and show her that she wasn’t alone in this.

Isn’t it amazing how we, as women, make up excuses for the men who won’t fill our wants and needs? I’ve been in similar positions many times and at the end of the day i just learned to say “fuck ’em” They’re not worth it, especially if they’re not into you. It’s not worth the energy or the time.

My own comment got me thinking. Time and time again women have stood by the very men that make them feel like utter and complete crap. I understand this as a practice from thousands of years ago when those very men were just trying to extend their seed and collect a dowry.  When women weren’t considered equals in any way and leaving your husband meant a life of being ridiculed by your community, religion, friends, and family with no place left to turn.   You would think that being in the 21st century and in a country that can be super progressive, that women would have more courage to walk away and never pay mind to him again.

Dating is a terrifying thing as a woman, more so now than ever before.  Everything has gone digital, the men behind the profiles lack qualities that most men had 15 years ago.  Men have become lazy and complacent to the whole “dating life.”  95% are looking  for a quick hook up or a “friends with benefits” situation.  They try to make “Netflix and chill” an actual thing and go for the gold in barely 10 minutes.  There’s nothing wrong with that, except that most of these men don’t let you know what their intention is.  If we really like the guy, we invest our time and energy, and in scenarios where we are better off than them, money, into who we think is or who could one day be “our man”.

Some actually end up in relationships that are toxic.  The guy is a crazy control freak or there can be serious jealousy issues. The absolute worst is when physical and/or sexual abuse happens.  There are women in these relationships who continue to stay with these guys.  Whether its out of fear or loyalty is their own personal reason, but they validate their man’s behavior towards them.

We make up the most ridiculous excuses for them and their behavior. “He’s had it pretty bad at work”.  “He’s just stressed”.  “I burned dinner. It’s my fault”  “I was chatting with this guy online at the grocery store, he didn’t like that”  “He’s a guy that goes after what he wants, even when the answer is no” “He is super busy between work and hanging out with his buddies and being a beast at the gym to give me a call” or in the words of Dane Cook, “My CDs are in his car Kim, its not that simple”

We sound absurd to our friends.  They think we’ve lost our minds. What good does it do for us, personally, or as a whole gender, to torture ourselves?  Why can’t most of us take a stand against these guys before we become broken hearted? Before we eat all of our feelings with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.  Why do we always end up crying over these (excuse my french) FUCKBOYS!  We deserve better and we are better than them. We should be smarter than acting like a bunch of school girls who can’t control their newly found hormones.  Making the excuses that we do doesn’t make us any happier.  It doesn’t change the situation or the outcome.

Yes, this is coming from the girl who wrote about being stood up by a guy who couldn’t even be bothered to use his actual photo.  But you know what? None of that was my fault. He was just a shady guy.  I kind of got cat-fished, but thank god it wasn’t a long term cat fishing. It was a couple of days that I was filled with rage. Mainly because I had shaved my legs and did my nails and make up and found out that he was married and had kids.

All in all, I learned my lesson(s).  I don’t take bullshit from men anymore.  I don’t have the time. I have goals to achieve, people to see, and places to be.  You’re more than likely just an obstacle to those things and you best move out of the way. If you’re not going to invest in me, I’m not going to invest in you.  If you’re not what I want and if you’re not going to attempt to address my needs and my wants, than you will be dismissed.  In order to be treated like King, you must treat me like a Queen.

Not Really That Dirty of a Little Secret

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you”

-Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

I’m not very good at keeping secrets. If you’re telling me a juicy story that you don’t want Jill to find out about, she’s going to find out from me because I can’t hold it in. When something awful happens to me, you bet your ass I’ll be telling at least three people what happened to me 45 seconds later.  This blog right here is supposed to be a secret to my friends and family. Only a handful of people know about this and my twitter account.

I wanted to keep this secret because I want strangers to take in my writing. I want them to see it for what it’s worth and not feel like they have to say something nice about it because they know me.  I also wanted to do this on my own and build and audience without the help of my friends. Let it grow slowly and steadily and see if I can actually get people to read what I have to say and like it enough to share it with their friends and family.  I know that my friends and family find me to be hilarious, but can I make people who don’t know me understand my humor?

Just today I was watching Bravo and one of the housewives stated that she had started a blog and my sister said, “I don’t understand blogging.  What is it with peoples’ self-obsession and thinking they’re important.”   I kind of almost lost my shit on her.  I kind of wanted to tell her. I wanted to brag that I have over 10,000 followers on twitter and that I myself have started a blog. Everyone has opinions and there are going to be people who don’t care what I have to say and thats fine. And I’m not doing it because I feel important to myself. In fact most of the time I don’t feel important at all. I rarely get invited out to do things, my phone hardly rings with a number that I recognize. I don’t do anything important. I’ve had dreams of being someone who is important and makes some sort of a difference in the world. However, for now,  I just share my thoughts and brutal honesty with others. I would like to be important someday, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen.  If it were to happen, would it be because I started this blog? Only the future knows.

The point is, at some point, I’m going to burst from holding this information in at some point. My family will probably be the last to find out.  It’s the biggest secret I’ve ever kept for this long.  This whole project started over a year ago with my twitter and has expanded to this blog because 140 characters can be too constricting for me.  I don’t think that my friends or family would be surprised that I started this, but i do think that they would find it shocking that there’s the possibility of me talking about them, openly, behind their backs.  That’s assuming that events may or may not occur.

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