In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mouth Drop.”

Last night was just the most awful and humiliating thing. For the first time in my entire life, i was completely stood up. Its an awful fucking feeling. The only other time I’ve ever felt this low was going through my last, real, break up. Let’s take it back to the beginning.

I’m on a slew of dating websites and apps. I don’t get out much and i don’t get to meet new people very often. If I do meet anyone new they’re already in a relationship or married, engaged, whatever. So i’m on OKCupid and this bonafide hottie messages me. It was a simple “Hey” which is normally frustrating to me, but this guy was super cute and somewhat close to my area. I read his profile and thought that we had a lot in common. We messaged a little back and forth and i asked him if he wanted to meet up for drinks. We exchanged numbers and that was that. We had a date for Saturday night. In the three days between exchanging phone numbers and our actual date, he would send me good morning texts and we would chat for a little bit. He asked me what kind of flowers I liked. He said he was excited to meet up for our date.

Day of the date comes along and i have, what seems like, a mile long list of things to do to get ready for the date. The typical girl stuff that happens when she is trying to get ready for a first date with someone. I want to make a good impression. Even if they don’t want to ask me on a second date, maybe they have a friend who would be interested in me.

So I give myself a manicure and a pedicure. I so a clay mask for my face. i put Nair on my legs so they can be smooth and not bumpy or slightly stubbly. i planned on putting this conditioning treatment into my hair to give it fullness, and that went to crap. Mainly i got distracted in the shower and instead of it sitting in my hair for the 3-5 minutes that it should have, i rinsed it out of my hair almost right away.. Oh well. i spend a half hour on my hair when i normally take 2 seconds. I put on a full face of make up. i lotion up all of my extremities so that i will give off a pleasant smell and be silly smooth. And i play dress up in the mirror for a total of 45 minutes, trying to decide what to wear. What looks good on me. What is comfortable. Can i put my bandage around my ankle if i wear those jeans? I finally find the perfect outfit and off i go to meet this guy.

i find parking and i am early. So i decide to go to a different bar than the one we are meeting at and have myself a drink to calm my nerves and get my head in the game. He says he’s running late. Not a big deal. I get to the restaurant and he says he is two minutes away…. i wait…..nothing. He says he is sitting at the bar… There is no single guy at the bar.. All of the men at the bar are with wives/dates/girlfriends/friends. He claims he’s at a bar in another town. That he got things mixed up in his GPS.. I figure ok maybe this guy is just the “Pretty, but dumb” sort. i tell myself that he has a certain time that he should be here and if he’s not there by the time i think he should be there or by the time i finish eating whatever i ordered, than I’ll leave.

The guy never shows up.. He asks questions like he’s about to show up. “where are you sitting?” “What are you wearing?” but never actually shows up.. So i finished my warm ricotta and toast and hightailed it out of the restaurant.. I get back to my car and I am sitting there feeling degraded and sad and angry. I’ve had online dates not pan out. Usually though the guys spare me a bit.. We’ll say we’ll meet on this day, but no location or time is given.. I check in the day before the “date” and they don’t answer my questions.. That’s annoying, but at least I didn’t waste my time prettying myself up and then sitting at a bar by myself for 2 hours. This guy made me go through all of the motions, which is super frustrating.

Part of me wants to cry and has so many heart wrenching questions. “Why did you do this to me?” “Do you always play mean jokes like this on people?” “Am I too fat for you?” “Am I too ugly?” “Were you planning this the whole time?” “Do you enjoy messing with girls’ heads and feelings?” “Was I not good enough for you?”

The other part of me wishes I knew where he lived so I could go slash his tires, take a bat to his windshield, and make this guy’s life a living hell. Or, if he actually showed up, thrown my drink in his face and completely embarrassed him. The only thing i can do at this point is hurt him with words, however that doesn’t usually work on men unless you really know them and know where you need to jab in order to get some kind of feeling out him.

I close my tab and leave the restaurant, debating to myself whether i should go and eat my feelings at a fast food place, continue to drink alone until i feel nothing, or just go home. I make the decision to just go home, but I can’t just leave things unsaid.

“You’re an asshole, a liar, and a complete bag of scum”. They’re not clever words by any means. I just wanted to make him feel bad for doing this to someone who is ultimately a complete stranger to him. At the end of the day, for whatever his reasoning was for doing it, it’s still fucked up, It’s really fucked up. I drive all the way home in complete silence. My text goes unanswered and I have more things I want to say to him, but i don’t want to validate his decision in any way by coming off as psycho.

“Thank you for wasting my time. My day actually. You’re a horrible human being and I hope you get into a really bad car accident where you don’t die right away from your injuries, but you just suffer long and slowly from the pain. I’m going to take a gander and say that whatever parental figure you had in your life growing up, did a horrible fucking job at raising you, since you clearly have no manners, have no tact and is simply not a gentleman.”

i get home, and crawl into bed. I’m emotionally exhausted. And just when I’m about to fall asleep i hear the distinctive “ping” indicating a new text.

“Um I wasn’t lying”

“I was there u weren’t” (um no shit sherlock i wasn’t there. i fucking left because you’re rude)

10 minutes later…

“I saw u and u aren’t my type”

This baffles me. His word choice. He was too “nice” to say that I’m too fat for him. Dude, did you not see my photos on OKCupid? I look the same in those as I do on the site. They’re not photoshopped. They’re not from when I was “skinny”. You’re a crock pot full of shit.

And even if I wasn’t “physically your type”, sir, you should at least have the decency to show your motherfucking face. How do i know what you actually look like compared to the photos on your profile? Maybe, just maybe, you’re not all cracked up to be. GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS…MAN UP TO THE SITUATION…..

At the end of the day i don’t want to get to know him. So far the things I know about him, I don’t like very much. He’s a Grade A Coward. He didn’t get to even try to know me for who I really am. So here is what I’m going to do.. Payback is a bitch sometimes and karma takes too long.

His OKCupid profile is Ryanleem.  ryan This is his supposed picture. His phone number is (203)892-6504. Send him a message. Any kind of message, especially annoying ones or ones yelling at him in my defense or pictures that he wouldn’t want to see. Tell him I sent ya.  You fucked with the wrong girl.

****I was recently informed that the photo he used is of a musician known as Jake Miller. So yeah the dude can’t even use his own photos..thats a classy, upstanding guy right there.