“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you”
-Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
I’m not very good at keeping secrets. If you’re telling me a juicy story that you don’t want Jill to find out about, she’s going to find out from me because I can’t hold it in. When something awful happens to me, you bet your ass I’ll be telling at least three people what happened to me 45 seconds later. This blog right here is supposed to be a secret to my friends and family. Only a handful of people know about this and my twitter account.
I wanted to keep this secret because I want strangers to take in my writing. I want them to see it for what it’s worth and not feel like they have to say something nice about it because they know me. I also wanted to do this on my own and build and audience without the help of my friends. Let it grow slowly and steadily and see if I can actually get people to read what I have to say and like it enough to share it with their friends and family. I know that my friends and family find me to be hilarious, but can I make people who don’t know me understand my humor?
Just today I was watching Bravo and one of the housewives stated that she had started a blog and my sister said, “I don’t understand blogging. What is it with peoples’ self-obsession and thinking they’re important.” I kind of almost lost my shit on her. I kind of wanted to tell her. I wanted to brag that I have over 10,000 followers on twitter and that I myself have started a blog. Everyone has opinions and there are going to be people who don’t care what I have to say and thats fine. And I’m not doing it because I feel important to myself. In fact most of the time I don’t feel important at all. I rarely get invited out to do things, my phone hardly rings with a number that I recognize. I don’t do anything important. I’ve had dreams of being someone who is important and makes some sort of a difference in the world. However, for now, I just share my thoughts and brutal honesty with others. I would like to be important someday, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen. If it were to happen, would it be because I started this blog? Only the future knows.
The point is, at some point, I’m going to burst from holding this information in at some point. My family will probably be the last to find out. It’s the biggest secret I’ve ever kept for this long. This whole project started over a year ago with my twitter and has expanded to this blog because 140 characters can be too constricting for me. I don’t think that my friends or family would be surprised that I started this, but i do think that they would find it shocking that there’s the possibility of me talking about them, openly, behind their backs. That’s assuming that events may or may not occur.