I read an interesting post today about a woman who is making up excuses as to why a guy hasn’t called her back. It struck a chord in me. I’ve been there and millions of other women have as well.   I decided to leave a comment behind and show her that she wasn’t alone in this.

Isn’t it amazing how we, as women, make up excuses for the men who won’t fill our wants and needs? I’ve been in similar positions many times and at the end of the day i just learned to say “fuck ’em” They’re not worth it, especially if they’re not into you. It’s not worth the energy or the time.

My own comment got me thinking. Time and time again women have stood by the very men that make them feel like utter and complete crap. I understand this as a practice from thousands of years ago when those very men were just trying to extend their seed and collect a dowry.  When women weren’t considered equals in any way and leaving your husband meant a life of being ridiculed by your community, religion, friends, and family with no place left to turn.   You would think that being in the 21st century and in a country that can be super progressive, that women would have more courage to walk away and never pay mind to him again.

Dating is a terrifying thing as a woman, more so now than ever before.  Everything has gone digital, the men behind the profiles lack qualities that most men had 15 years ago.  Men have become lazy and complacent to the whole “dating life.”  95% are looking  for a quick hook up or a “friends with benefits” situation.  They try to make “Netflix and chill” an actual thing and go for the gold in barely 10 minutes.  There’s nothing wrong with that, except that most of these men don’t let you know what their intention is.  If we really like the guy, we invest our time and energy, and in scenarios where we are better off than them, money, into who we think is or who could one day be “our man”.

Some actually end up in relationships that are toxic.  The guy is a crazy control freak or there can be serious jealousy issues. The absolute worst is when physical and/or sexual abuse happens.  There are women in these relationships who continue to stay with these guys.  Whether its out of fear or loyalty is their own personal reason, but they validate their man’s behavior towards them.

We make up the most ridiculous excuses for them and their behavior. “He’s had it pretty bad at work”.  “He’s just stressed”.  “I burned dinner. It’s my fault”  “I was chatting with this guy online at the grocery store, he didn’t like that”  “He’s a guy that goes after what he wants, even when the answer is no” “He is super busy between work and hanging out with his buddies and being a beast at the gym to give me a call” or in the words of Dane Cook, “My CDs are in his car Kim, its not that simple”

We sound absurd to our friends.  They think we’ve lost our minds. What good does it do for us, personally, or as a whole gender, to torture ourselves?  Why can’t most of us take a stand against these guys before we become broken hearted? Before we eat all of our feelings with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.  Why do we always end up crying over these (excuse my french) FUCKBOYS!  We deserve better and we are better than them. We should be smarter than acting like a bunch of school girls who can’t control their newly found hormones.  Making the excuses that we do doesn’t make us any happier.  It doesn’t change the situation or the outcome.

Yes, this is coming from the girl who wrote about being stood up by a guy who couldn’t even be bothered to use his actual photo.  But you know what? None of that was my fault. He was just a shady guy.  I kind of got cat-fished, but thank god it wasn’t a long term cat fishing. It was a couple of days that I was filled with rage. Mainly because I had shaved my legs and did my nails and make up and found out that he was married and had kids.

All in all, I learned my lesson(s).  I don’t take bullshit from men anymore.  I don’t have the time. I have goals to achieve, people to see, and places to be.  You’re more than likely just an obstacle to those things and you best move out of the way. If you’re not going to invest in me, I’m not going to invest in you.  If you’re not what I want and if you’re not going to attempt to address my needs and my wants, than you will be dismissed.  In order to be treated like King, you must treat me like a Queen.

Advertisements