I hate that I’m going through this feeling alone. I feel like I’ve become a burden to my family, constantly asking for help.  The last thing I want to do is ask for money.  It’s me admitting that I’m struggling financially and it blows.  I can’t help that I’m still having problems with my injury and it forces me to be on light duty at work.. And my job isn’t meant to be “light duty”.. Even the light duty I’m on is damaging.  I’m standing for 2-3 hours straight.  That’s not good for someone with a sprained ankle who has to wear an orthopedic boot on her foot to get around. I still suffer with pain and swelling two and half months later.

It’s like admitting defeat. It’s a blow to my psyche.  My family can’t afford to keep bailing me out when my tiny paycheck comes in.  So I’ve now asked for help from my friends and extended family. And the response has been underwhelming.  I know everyone has their own shit that they’re going through and their own struggles, but I’m the kind of person that when someone I know and love asks me for help, I give what I can to them. However,  often when I’ve asked for support or help in the past, its a rarity that it comes along, so I don’t know why I’m so surprised that hardly anyone has responded to me.

It’s discouraging to think that I had friends who I felt would do anything that they could for me, when in reality I feel like they couldn’t give two shits. It would be one thing if they let me know that they were thinking about me and wish they could help, but no one has really said anything.  Maybe it’s one of those situations where they think that I expect them to contribute a small chunk of money, like $100 when in reality, I’m actually hoping for a bunch of people to donate $10 to collectively add up to a larger sum later on.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to deal with this ankle and the fact that I can’t physically do my current job.  I don’t even want to work there anymore for various reasons. I’ve been applying to other jobs, but who knows when I’ll hear back from anyone. All I know is, I’m taking this day by day, but it’s really starting to take a toll on my well-being.

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